Oh no you didn't!

By Annicita - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

subterfuge

A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store and he does a double take. He recognizes that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two... Sign in to see full entry.

new words

1. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks'trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub tap on and off with your toes. 2. CARPERPETUATION (kar'pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it,... Sign in to see full entry.

What do you call...

What surgical operation would you suggest for someone who constantly "has their head up their arse"? A lobottomy (lo-bottom-y). Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, November 11, 2013

persistent!

A duck walks into a bar. It asks the bar tender if he has any crackers?? The bartender says No. The next day the duck walks into the bar and asks the same question. The bartender says "No, i dont have any crackers," The next day the same thing happens, with the same response from the bartender. On... Sign in to see full entry.

sound familiar?

You find yourself listening to talk radio. You daughter says she got pierced and you look at her ears. The pattern on your shorts and couch match. You fondly remember your powder blue leisure suit. You think Tragically Hip is when a middle-aged man gets a new sports car, hair piece and a 20 year old... Sign in to see full entry.

what comes first...its a groaner!

A chicken and an egg check into a cheap motel room.Moments later the chicken sits up against the headboard and lights a cigarette. The egg says, "Well, that settles that." Sign in to see full entry.

3 gifts

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother. The first said, "I built a big house for our mother." The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes." The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat.... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, November 10, 2013

beemer

A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlights broken and considerable damage to the bonnet. There's no sign of the offending vehicle but he's relieved to see that there's a note stuck under the windshield wiper. "Sorry. I just backed into your Beemer. The witnesses who saw the accident... Sign in to see full entry.

naughty santa

It was Christmas Eve, and a lady hadn't had sex in a long time, so she decided to wait for Santa. When he came down the chimney, she took off her shirt and said, "Ooh Santa, please stay." And he said, "Ho ho ho, guess I better go, gotta get toys to children, ya know." So she took off her pants and... Sign in to see full entry.

Gorilla at large

As he was quietly watching television at home, the chap heard a sound on the roof of his house and rushed out to investigate. Seeing it was a fair-sized gorilla tearing the shingles off his home, he promptly called up the local zoo authorities to inform them one of their animals had escaped. He was... Sign in to see full entry.