Oh no you didn't!

By Annicita - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Beast

A PETA protester screamed at the woman in a fur coat, "Don't you realize some poor dumb beast suffered so you could have that fur?" Unfazed, the woman replied, "That's true, but think of what I had to go through! I dated him!" Sign in to see full entry.

virgin?

"Will I be the first to do this to you?" whispered the new groom to his new bride. "What a silly question," giggled the girl. "I don't even know what position you want to use yet." Sign in to see full entry.

Hope she didn't hear it!

After completing his examination, the doctor took her husband aside. "I don't like the looks of your wife at all." "Me neither, Doc." Said the husband. "But she's a good cook and the kids seem to like her." Sign in to see full entry.

Hanging low

Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to... Sign in to see full entry.

Gotta stop asking!

An elderly couple is sharing an intimate dinner in honor of their 75th wedding anniversary. The man says softly, "Dear, there is something I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our sixth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now, let me assure you these 75 years have been... Sign in to see full entry.

OMG!

Several years before the Gulf War, a female journalist did a story on gender roles in Kuwait. She noted that there it was customary for women to walk 10 feet behind their husbands. After the war, she returned to Kuwait and was pleased to observe that now the men walked 10 feet behind their wives.... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, May 6, 2013

Better rules

A macho man married a beautiful young thing. On their honeymoon, he laid down the rules. "Now here's the way it's gonna be: I'll go hunting or fishing or card-playing or drinking with my buddies anytime I want to, with no hassle from you. And I'll come home anytime I want to, with no hassle from... Sign in to see full entry.

Time of death

A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near-death experience. Seeing God, she asked if this was it. God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live." Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital... Sign in to see full entry.

Too attentive

A family took their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and left her, hoping she would be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathed her, fed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seemed okay, but after a while she slowly... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Excuses

Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him. "What's the story this time, Jones?" he asked sarcastically. "Let's hear a good excuse for a change." Jones sighed, "Everything went wrong this morning, Boss. The wife decided to drive me to... Sign in to see full entry.