Adventures in Psychosis

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Wednesday, December 8, 2004

Dreams and Hallucinations

Losing everything I’ve ever hoped and dreamed for is a reality that I must learn how to face. Well, perhaps not everything. It is clear that my ability to write is perhaps somewhat impeded by my symptoms, but it still the best cure I have found. Perhaps someday I will write something good enough to... Sign in to see full entry.

Returning to my Original Point

I see that I have deviated slightly from the original intent of this journal, and I would like to correct the error. My focus at first was to have a place to write about my day, but also in a way that would help other people understand what it meant to be psychotic. “To be psychotic”, it sounds so... Sign in to see full entry.

Late for Work

I sat in my car for about 45 minutes this morning, without the key turned, without the engine running. I was waiting for something, waiting patiently while I sat in the silence of my car. The silence was not complete silence however; it was tainted by the sounds of a mocking voice that no one else... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, December 7, 2004

Getting Through The Day

It’s strange how the day goes by now. I come home from work at about 12 and then have the rest of the day to try and unwind. I’m already starting to feel like I’m just not accomplishing anything. I didn’t get anything done at work today because my head was just too clouded and I couldn’t focus. I... Sign in to see full entry.

Getting Nothing Done

I can’t concentrate on anything. I’m trying to write a help file for a feature of the program I created, and I can’t even start on it. My head is swimming and I can’t make myself focus to do this. I think I know what I need to say, but I can’t say it. I’m having a lot of trouble writing this right... Sign in to see full entry.

Taking Away The Keys

I’m preparing myself for what I believe is the inevitable. With my new levels of medication and symptoms, it’s very probable that they will soon be telling me I can’t drive. Perfect timing too, rainy season just started. I just got my car in March; I had been very lazy about getting my license, and... Sign in to see full entry.

Something Different

There’s something different about the world when you’re on medication. I’m sitting at work, looking around at all the things going on around me and everything just seems different some how. They’ve doubled my dosages again, so I’m on a bit more than I’m used to which is assuredly causing some of the... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, December 6, 2004

Feeling Strange

I noticed today that there were several occasions where I found myself wondering what in the world I was doing out of the house. A few times I had to sit down wherever I was and try to get my bearing again. It’s becoming increasingly difficult to get around and make things happen on my own. It feels... Sign in to see full entry.

The Perfect Therapy

It seems to become ever clearer each day that there is one really good therapy for all of the problems I’ve been having lately. That perfect therapy is creation. When I’m sitting down writing, or playing music or doing anything where I am creating something from simple ideas, all of my problems fade... Sign in to see full entry.

A Psychotic Episode

One could say that I just experienced a somewhat severe psychotic episode. I got home and set my stuff in my room and started to make some food. I began to hear a voice, but he was talking to me, and waiting for a response from me. I began to talk to him before saying that he wasn’t really there,... Sign in to see full entry.

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