Adventures in Psychosis

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Monday, December 20, 2004

In Five Years

It’s difficult to say where I think my life will be in 5 years. I was thinking about how some people ask you that, “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?” I can honestly say I have no idea; not because I don’t know what I want to do with my life or I don’t have enough foresight to tell, but rather... Sign in to see full entry.

What a Morning

I’m not doing so well this morning. I’ve got several things on my plate that have me very worried, feeling so nervous and anxious my stomach is churning. A series of events that have caused me to already have a bad morning as far as hallucinations are concerned, and it’s only 8:50. I had planned on... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, December 19, 2004

Delusions

My roommate asked me today which was worse, hallucinations or delusions. I surprised myself when I instinctively said hallucinations. I said that and then really thought about it for a minute, and changed my answer. Delusions are actually worse than the hallucinations, at least right now. My... Sign in to see full entry.

A Decision

Last night while I was trying to get to sleep I made a decision. Often while I’m trying to sleep I get lost in endless loops of thought that keep me awake for some time, but last night something good came from those thoughts. At first, I was assessing my writing ability; while not proud in a bad... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, December 18, 2004

Thoughts

I wonder what things will be like for me in a few years. I can’t help but think about the different possibilities and outcomes that might befall me these coming months. Will I recover and live my life for the most part like I did before? Or will I fall victim to the delusions and hallucinations,... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, December 17, 2004

Work and Papers

So Monday I start working full time again. That will be interesting. I’m not sure that I’m actually ready, it’s just that my boss is someone pressuring me to. I can understand why he is; it’s getting tough for him to handle his job and half of mine. I’m going to give it everything I can and hope... Sign in to see full entry.

The Music

Through most all of my youth there has been one musical group that has been my inspiration and consolation for some of my best ideas and through some of my toughest times; Jars of Clay. They are a Christian band, which many find funny because I’m certainly not the religious type. I don’t think there... Sign in to see full entry.

My Delusional World

I have to relax, why can’t I relax? I’m sitting here wound up tight like a spring and I don’t really know why. I’m worried about something, but I’m not sure what, it just feels like something bad is going to happen. Delusions have made themselves a comfortable home in my mind and thoughts. I've had... Sign in to see full entry.

The Wonderful World of Stress

It’s Friday, thank God. This will most likely be the last day I take as a half day to try relieve the stress of working. My boss is very understanding, but he is getting somewhat annoyed with me leaving at lunch time every day; we have a lot of work to get done for the release of our latest upgrade.... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, December 16, 2004

Deceitful Senses

“Don’t try and get all of this done, you’ll never be able to get it done on time.” “You have to work harder on this, if it isn’t done in time you’ll lose your job.” “There’s nothing you can do about it, it’s too late.” “Work faster or it won’t get done.” “Give up and just accept the consequences.”... Sign in to see full entry.

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