Adventures in Psychosis

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Thursday, December 16, 2004

My Disease

I’m still in utter shock about my whole life situation at this point. I have a disease, that’s just crazy. I’ve never been one to have anything terribly wrong with me; I’ve never been direly ill, while I’ve had more than my share of cuts bumps bruises and gashes, I’ve never broken a bone or been to... Sign in to see full entry.

Stress at Work

I have a terrible feeling that things at work are going to get bad either today or tomorrow. I of course have not been able to get my work done the last couple of days, and it’s all leading up to the release of a new update for our product. I haven’t been able to do the testing I need to, or fix the... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Lost Friends

I miss so much the days when I would get through work and then go home and have a good time going out with friends or having friends come over. At that point I was living at a place with two guys I didn’t really know, so I mostly stayed up in my room which was massive as it was the master suite; it... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

A Night Spent Alone

Tonight I am alone. Completely alone. No one has been home since I got here at 3 o’clock. It’s 9:13pm. While usually I spend the night only with my roommate here, being alone has been an interesting experience. I’m not whining that no one loves me so no one’s here with me, I’m just experiencing... Sign in to see full entry.

What it Means to be Psychotic

Hallucination, Delusion, Incoherence. These words have become not only a part of my vocabulary, but also a part of my reality. There is no escaping the fact that I hear what is not there, I suspect what is not happening, and I cannot always speak what is on my mind. Friends try to console me by... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, December 13, 2004

Bottoming Out

On the topic of sanity, I think one of the things that has kept me as borderline as I am (I’m not sure if I’m insane, or if my wondering about being insane make me sane) is the fact the my whole life I’ve been someone who believes in coincidence. I had never seen evidence (at least from my... Sign in to see full entry.

Insanity

Today the thoughts and fear of my condition seem to be controlling my actions. I get myself stuck into a loop of thinking about where I’ll be in 5 years, then my obsessive thinking kicks in and I can’t stop playing out bad scenarios in my mind. Of course I’m not getting anything done at work, and... Sign in to see full entry.

Friends

I met a few new people over the weekend, and I thought maybe perhaps I had some new friends. For some reason, however, I can’t seem to be interested in them. It makes no sense; they’re my kind of people, there’s nothing wrong with them, and I have a really good time with them. At the same time... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, December 12, 2004

An Article, My First Non-Fiction

I'm writing an article for a non-militant feminist magazine, thought you guys might be interested: Stemming from centuries upon centuries of ignorance and misunderstanding, some of the men in this world have a general lack of respect for women. These men almost seem to make it a goal in their lives... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, December 11, 2004

Born This Way

More than once I’ve found myself asking why I was born with the genetic sequences I have. From birth I was destined to become psychotic, and that’s all there is to it. I do have to remember though that the only reason why is because that’s how things happened at the lowest levels of existence.... Sign in to see full entry.

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